Effective Listening at Work and Everywhere Else
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Effective Listening at Work and Everywhere Else
Listening is part of the communication process, and therefore, effective communication requires effective listening. Without listening, we cannot receive and understand what the other people are saying to us.
Listening is also a process, facilitated by our sense of hearing. So, hearing is not the same as listening. Hearing is natural, while listening is a skill that can be developed and improved. For example, we may hear someone talking with us, but if we are distracted by our own thoughts or by something happening around us at that moment, we’ll miss parts or all of what the other person is saying.
Effective listening refers to the accuracy with which we are able to understand the messages of the speaker. For example, two people may listen to the same person and understand differently the same message.
How well we succeed in understanding what other people are saying is a critical aspect at work and in other contexts as well. For example, if an employee doesn’t correctly understand what his or her leader is asking, they cannot accomplish that request. Or, if a team leader doesn’t pay attention to the issues raised by an employee regarding a project, that project may fail.
How Can We Improve Our Listening Skills
By giving our full attention to the person who is speaking and eliminating distractions around us or within ourselves.
For example, if we are in a work meeting, we can take measures to ensure we are not distracted by external factors: we can turn off phone notifications, close laptop windows that are not needed for the meeting to avoid receiving, for example, e-mail notifications, close the door of the meeting room so we are not disturbed by other colleagues, etc. Also, being able to detach ourselves from other issues or concerns unrelated to the meeting, will help us focus on what is being discussed.
We can improve our listening skills by paying attention not only to verbal messages, but also to nonverbal messages – e.g.: body postures, gestures – and to para-verbal messages – e.g.: observing the tone of voice, volume, speed. Also, we can improve by observing the congruence between these three types of messages.
For example, a team member may verbally say that he understood what his colleagues told him, but facial expressions that suggest confusion may indicate that he didn’t fully understand. Also, if his tone is slow and denotes he is still processing the meaning of what was said, it may indicate the same thing – that he didn’t fully understand or that he has questions or concerns about what was communicated to him.
We need to pay attention to our own nonverbal and para-verbal messages as well.
– Adopt open body postures, oriented toward the person who is speaking, to encourage them to continue speaking.
– Send nonverbal confirmations that they are listened to and understood, such as head nodding.
– Pay attention to maintain enough eye contact with the person who’s speaking etc. This also shows that our attention is on them.
If the speaker sees that we are looking at our phones or laptops while they talk, or if we are turned toward another person or direction, chances are they will not feel listened to and may stop speaking or reduce their messages. More then this, they may feel disrespected and undervalued, because what they have to say is dismissed or seems unimportant.
Verifying whether we have correctly understood the other person is another way to enhance our listening skills.
The speaker may use technical language whose meaning is not accessible to everyone, we may interpret the same words differently, or the details provided by the speaker may be insufficient for us to understand what he or she is trying to say. Checking the meaning by paraphrasing or asking clarifying questions will help us gain a more accurate understanding of what the speaker wants to communicate.
Listen to understand, without being critical or judgmental, and without being defensive.
This reduces the emotional intensity of the other person and creates a safe space where he or she can discuss issues or express different points of view.
One of the reasons employees cover or hide their mistakes is the critical reactions they fear they’ll receive if they speak about them. Covering a mistake can lead to bigger problems. Issues can be resolved more easily and quickly if those who are affected know about them as soon as possible. Mistakes also provide an opportunity to identify weaknesses in internal processes and to introduce new rules or checklists to help employees prevent making the same mistakes again.
Also, people may refrain from expressing their thoughts and opinions if, when they did so in the past, they were criticized or not listened to. On one hand, in this situation, important ideas may be missed and/or the limitations of the chosen solutions may be overlooked. On the other hand, even if their thoughts or opinions are wrong, these situations may be seen as opportunities for them to grow, though the constructive feedback they receive and by having the chance to come up with better solutions later.
Showing empathy by trying to understand the other person’s perspective and feelings.
Being empathic is the capacity to put ourselves in another persons’ shoes to understand how he or she views and feels in different situations. It means that we can recognize the other persons’ feelings and we allow them express those feelings without judging them.
For example, in a workplace conflict, acknowledging – not only mentally, but also verbally – how the parties viewed the situation and how they felt helps them feel understood and more open to discuss it. Also, helping the people involved understand how each party saw the situation and how they felt brings openness to conflict solutions that address both parties’ complaints and interests. You may say things like: ”I assume it was very unpleasant…..”, ”I imagine that was discouraging…”
When you listen to show empathy, avoid offering advice or solutions to the problem if they were not asked for. Even if you are in an performance evaluation discussion, for example, and you intend to offer constructive feedback – which includes advice and guidelines – if the employee explains why he or she didn’t succeed in achieving the expected results, first listen to understand the situation from the employee’s point of view, demonstrate that you understood it, and consider their perspectives in the feedback you offer. If you already prepared the feedback and you deliver it disregarding what the employee is saying in that moment, then the purpose of that discussion is just to deliver the feedback. The right solutions to fix those performance issues may be found precisely by listening to the employee’s explanation of the challenges or issues he or she encountered.
Listen without trying to prepare the response. The person being listening needs to feel that the listener wants to help, not to win an argument, in order to trust and open up to him or her.
Also, preparing a response will not help us be attentive to what is being said. We may miss important information or understand the message superficially.
You can ask questions that help the interlocutor gain clarity and insights. If the speaker is unclear in his or her communication, you can ask questions and ask for details to clarify the message. Also, if you notice assumptions or cognitive biases in the speaker’s communication, you can challenge them in a gently way, without judging.
For example, an employee might says: “I think we should change the workflow, but I’m not sure exactly how.” The manager could ask: “Which part of the workflow feels problematic to you?” and “What result would you like to see if we made a change?” In this way, the employee starts organizing his/her thoughts and gaining clarity.
Another example: An employee says: “I don’t want to share this idea because management will never approve it.” The team leader may respond: “I understand your concern. What if we present it carefully and show the potential benefits? Management might be open to it.” The assumption of rejection is challenged, and the employee is encouraged to share his/her idea.
In a situation where the speaker’s thinking is affected by the confirmation bias for example – which is defined as the tendency to pay attention only to information that supports our own values and points of view and ignoring or rejection information that contradicts them – we can draw attention to facts that support different perspectives, helping the employee become more flexible and open to a broader range of information.
For example:
– An employee says: “Using this new tool is a waste of time because other teams struggled with it.”
– The team leader may respond: “I see your point. Could we test it on a small task first to see if it works for our team?”
In this situation, the employee evaluates the tool objectively instead of assuming it won’t work.
Being a good listener also means paying attention to our own possible cognitive biases.
For example, biases such as the tendency to ignore or reject messages from people we don’t like ( the pitchfork effect), or the tendency to accept everything from a person we like and respect ( the hallo effect). There is also the confirmation bias, which can make us miss information that would help us understand the speaker’s message. You can read more about cognitive biases here.
Benefits of Effective Listening
The self-esteem of the person who is listened increases, because he or she receives the indirect message that what they are saying matters, and ultimately, that they matter.
Those who feel that they are listened to appreciate their interlocutors and are open to collaborating with them.
Effective listening contributes to building trust in a relationship, whether is a work relationship or a personal one. When the person being listened to doesn’t feel judged, he or she is more willing to share their thoughts and issues.
People who feel listened to have more self-confidence. When someone actively listens without judgment or interruption, it validates the speaker’s perspective, making them feel respected and valued. This sense of acknowledgment reinforces their belief in their own abilities and judgment, encouraging them to participate more actively, share ideas, and take initiative both in work and personal situations. Over time, consistent experiences of being listened to help build a stronger sense of self-worth and confidence.
All the above positive effects on people will also positively affect the work environment, the relationships between team members, the efficiency with which they perform their activities and resolve issues, and ultimately their work results.
Sometimes big changes are made by small shifts. Improving our listening skills can lead us to significant improvements in our professional and personal relationships and change the results that we achieve.
What do you think makes a person a great listener? When did you feel listened to, and what were the things that made you felt that way?
Let me know your thoughts and perspectives at: daniela.tancau@improvework.ro. I’ll be glad to get in touch with you.
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